Author Ann Neumann Discusses the Realities of Dying in America on April 16 at Library Center
Ann Neumann is a journalist and visiting scholar at The Center for Religion and Media at New York University, where she is a contributing editor for The Revealer. Ann will talk about her first book, “The Good Death: An Exploration of Dying in America,” during Death Over Dinner at 5:30 p.m. on April 16 at the Library Center. Seating is limited and registration is required; call 616-0566 for more information or to register.
“The Good Death” weaves personal accounts with a historical exploration of the developments that have changed the ways we experience death. We asked Ann about her book and the importance of talking about death.
1. The death of someone close to you, such as a parent or child, is heart-breaking and potentially life-changing. What made you decide to write “The Good Death” after experiencing your father’s death?
For a few years I was distraught and angry. I felt as though the doctors, the nurses, the hospice workers, my family members all failed to tell me how my father's death could go. I was angry that they hadn't prepared me for the sleeplessness, the dirty sheets, the vomit and emotional turmoil of his absence. When my anger and grief didn't subside, I had no choice but to make sense of it, to put my journalist’s hat on and find out why so many of us are unprepared for the death of a loved one. I'm not unique in this sense; since the book came out I've met hundreds of people involved in their own inquiries, who have become activists for improved end-of-life care, who have joined hospice programs. It is their community and passionate effort that, I believe, will lead us to improving how we die in the years to come.
2. The title, “The Good Death,” suggests that death can be good. What do you believe constitutes a good death?
In the book I ultimately come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as a good death—each one is sad. Death always hurts. But there is a good enough death, one where the patient and their family accept the fact of what is taking place, or at least acknowledge it. The way too many die today is not good enough. And I hope the book maps out the many ways we can improve end of life care for patients, their families, doctors, caretakers, all of us.
3. There seems to be a purposeful conversation starting in the last few years about death. Why do you think this is happening and why is it important for us to talk about death?
There are a number of factors that have caused us to examine how we die. They include the way that the hospice and right-to-die movements have evolved alongside medical advancements and religious teachings. But also economic, racial, sexual and gendered inequalities. High publicity court cases, like that of Terri Schiavo, have also focused public attention on the dire question of what it means to be alive—or dead. The gains of the aid-in-dying movement have caused us to ask, often in our own lives and in the voting booth, how we would like to die. Too, thanks to editors who have lost family members, our media has taken up end-of-life issues in a refreshing, new way. The conversation is vital—but we must also find ways to reach those without the resources to have the conversation, ways that effect systemic and structural changes that will benefit all patients.
4. Based on your knowledge and prior experiences working in hospice, what advice would you give to someone who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness?
Grieve. Gather your resources, whether they be financial, familial, or medical. Right the outstanding relational wrongs and regrets you can. Get your papers in order. And live every day you've got left with every bit of gusto you can manage. My patients have taught me that it is often the small things in the course of the day, the seemingly mundane things like a fresh apple for lunch or wearing a silk scarf you've owned for twenty years, that improve quality of life. Let those small pleasures be your guide. You can do this; you can die well.
5. When is the right time to begin conversations with your loved ones and doctor about end-of-life care?
Right now! This very minute. Some of the most contentious (and torturous) right-to-die cases have involved relatively young patients. Death is a part of life, no matter what our age. When you live with that understanding, when you are clear with yourself and others what you want to happen, it makes grief—your own and your loved ones'—a bit more bearable. Not everything can be predicted, but thinking about and discussing what your medical and other decisions would be in various scenarios is incredibly helpful. And it makes the importance of each day come into focus. Your priorities change, the expansiveness of your heart changes. These tasks don't have to be painful, depressing or, truth be told, over-sentimentalized. I'm a happy person and I've been talking and thinking about my own death for more than a decade.
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